Global Kecohers

I like the way Hai Fon put things, as harsh and vulgar it may sound but it bears the kinda wisdom people are just too blind to see.

"I mean if you fuck up at least have the balls to prepare to get fucked over." -LHF-

hahaha loved that one. :p

Anyway dear, I believe your first responsibility is towards yourself, always. You need to feel good about yourself before you can provide for others. Take this "having an affair" scenario for example, being wrecked with guilt is a miserable feeling and it will only destroy if not cripple you, emotionally and mentally. I know. However, guilt isn't something that will go away with time unless you decide to do something about it. In this case, maybe it comes in the form of being honest and owning up to your own msitakes.

That is your responsibilty. And you owe that responsibility to no one but yourself. The guilt torments you and thus you rid it by being honest.

As for your partner, it is now his burden to face the betrayal, and find the strength within to forgive, and then learn to trust again.

You do not have control over what or how your partner feels but this is the least you can do to repair the damage you have done. To lie to your partner is to continue to betray him and worst, aggravating the guilt within you. You may take this secret to your grave if you will, but I assure you you will not die a happy person.

Yes, tell and you might lose him.
Don't tell, and you risk losing both him and yourself.

Should he decide to leave you after this incident, then I guess its too bad. The right thing to do is not to beg him to stay but to let him go. Its the hardest thing to do but instead of hoping for the impossible, its better to salvage what's left of the relationship. In this case, maybe you would like to salvage the frienship thats left. And with friendship, who knows one day it will turn into something more than that. :) The trust maybe gone, but forcing him to stay doesn't necessarily do any good either. All you can do is sit back and let time do the healing.

In a relationship thats intimate, it doesn't matter who messed up, both parties will feel terrible nonetheless.

In this case, you might be wrecked with guilt, and he raging with hatred. Both emotions are consuming and exhausting. You do your part to heal yourself and thats it. Your job is done. You don't do more simply because you can't do more. It is his job to forgive and forget. And if you're waiting for him to forgive you before you can forgive yourself, forget it, it doesn't work that way. You can still be wrecked with guilt long after he's forgiven you.

I say be proud of yourself that you got the courage to speak the truth (if you decide to tell). Part of the reason why you did it was because you value this relationship and you'd rather it be built on pillars of trust rather than deceit. To suffer for your own mistakes has got to be the greatest sting of life but it will do you good to remember this sting so you don't repeat the same mistake again. Nurture yourself, lick your wounds, when the time is right, fall in love again and try not to mess up this time. :)

Here's a quote for the day.

"To err is human, to forgive is divine." -Alexander Pope-